Punchbag

I couldn't imagine how long this problem persisted and how long I have been able to tolerate it. For so damn long.. this has never improved. It makes me tied up to all responsibilities I am too young to handle.. far too young to.

This trouble taught me how any form of joy is the lust of the mind and all that is poor and sad is happiness.

The fact that the sole person of our place never enjoyed anything since this problem came is the greatest indication that we too, should share the same fate. When in fact, the only sin I had was when I was given under their supervision. Under their power.

Everything that pisses this person off would definitely be blamed to our existence in this rusted roof. I cant find any way or any reason to protest since everything I am living is under their provision. Every inch of happiness I receive would amount to the anger of this monster because I wanted to be so. This would be too vague to read but that's exactly what I feel. I dont want to put the blame to this person as obvious as it suppose to be. But I think, it wouldn't be so hard to guess :)

If you have done things out of concern, how else would you expect a person to pay you back?
I gave my utmost concern to this person when I was trying to find out a solution for this person's sake. Tonight, he was pissed off because of something I really know nothing of. Maybe seeing me triggered the angry animal inside so it immediately found a solution to stretch some bones-- find one good fault of mine to blame.

Alas, the monster was lucky. It found one good fault, and it occurred so timely since I just came from school, making me too tired to protest.
Oh well, and the punchbag was used again.

...

Surprisingly, I never cried. Not even a single tear came out. Attempts to.. yes. But crying per se, no. I guess I'm just too old to take this too seriously. I have grown with this 'tradition' anyway.

Well, disappointments accompany this fate, I suppose. I just had my 19th birthday last October 6, and they never knew it. Perhaps that's one of the most frustrating thing they do every year. Since this monstrous dilemma came, I never had a nice one ever again.

I guess one of the greatest thing you should feel during birthdays is that you should feel how special that day is, so you could get reminded that you are given another year to live, to improve and to mature. Since that birthday (and the past birthdays) never became memorable to me, maturity and all else never sank in me. I never act the way I ought to be as a 19 year old since there's no way to remind me I need to. Or, that there's no good memory to remind me that a year had gone, the mistakes were washed off, and I am refreshed to start all over again.
In my case, all these horrible things are stuck in me. I'll never grow old again. I'll never be mature enough to face life's race and its all their fault. All because they wanted to blame me for all their mishap.

If this is the way it should be then so be it. Oh well, that's life anyway :)